Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i will never coherently bang her
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
