Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
