note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
