dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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