Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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