don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
