apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
