He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
