We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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