Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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