My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
