When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
