We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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