need another drink. this is the easiest way
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
