he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
