even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She's the barista slut.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
