At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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