operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
