I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
