I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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