I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
