legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
