My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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