I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
