I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I am one with the molecules
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
