I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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