I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
