There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
