just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
