worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
