I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize