Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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