It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
