Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
