none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize