I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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