Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
