Just fell off a train. Bad.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
