Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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