I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
