if only i could text you this smell
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
