I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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