eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
