Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
