She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize