I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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