After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
