i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
