Just took my morning after pill in the library
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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