I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
