fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
