Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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