Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
