Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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