you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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