Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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