Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
