i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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