dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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