Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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