i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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