Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
