How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
