there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
