Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just forgot I was standing up.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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