I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
