He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
