these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
