His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
