You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
